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Blog #44 Published: 2019-02-27
Authors Note: Through my own expansion, my perspectives have naturally changed and will keep changing as long as I choose to keep learning and growing. Therefore, information and knowledge are never set and imprisoned by my mental mind. This leaves a flexibility to grow. Please take this into consideration in your own life journey and also when reading my blogs.
With Love – Rebecca Barron 20.11.24
As an empath I can feel other people’s emotions and it’s how I help others understand themselves, so that they can evolve. It’s a fantastic tool to connect to others with and I naturally use this during the psychic healings I do. Being an empath (I believe we are all empaths; it’s just some are more highly tuned than others) we can attract people who want to understand and heal themselves.
As for me, from an early age, I was the one who people came to for advice and emotional support. I enjoyed it! I felt that I was able to help and that made me feel good about myself. I felt honoured that people came to me and shared their private issues, but what I also liked about it, was that I displayed to the outside world that I was a well-rounded individual with my head screwed on.
However, there is a darker side to being an empath/healer, and that darker side was that I was able to hide. Being the listener and the empath and the one that people would come to for advice and help was also a way of not showing who I was to others. I could concentrate solely on others and less on myself.
I was in a safe position where people in my life saw me as strong, and wise and that I didn’t need help from others. This was fantastic for me as I found it extremely difficult to ask for help. To swap sides and be the one that showed true authentic feelings was an area I ran a mile from. The people around me didn’t get to see the real me and I liked that a lot.
I naturally would attract people in my life that would need me and ‘take’ from me, not because I’m a victim to this, but because I wasn’t ready to be in a balanced relationship of give and take. I was way more comfortable giving than receiving.
The reason being that in order to receive you first have to ask for help. In order to ask for help you have to display vulnerability. Vulnerability wasn’t an area that I was comfortable with at all, especially as I had built a charade around myself that I didn’t need to lean on anyone – to the point that I actually believed this myself. I was the one who helped others not the other way around.
What was I so afraid of? I had built a good decent wall up and if I pulled that wall down, you would have seen a super over sensitive girl, insecure, who lacked confidence, struggled with low self-esteem and had more hang ups about myself then anyone I knew. I was the most fucked up person in my life and why the hell would I show that to anyone! LOL.
However, not being able to show my need for support and love at times, left me without the love and support I needed.
This behaviour also showed that I was not accepting of who I was and therefore, even though I longed for acceptance, I didn’t allow this to happen.
If you are in a relationship with your partner and not receiving the love and support that you wish for. You may have to look closer to home and ask yourself if you are willing to receive the love and support, or in other words, are you ready to be vulnerable?
You may keep attracting takers, or narcissistic individuals, and wondering why. If you can only give, then you will only attract takers. But if you can give and receive love in balance, then you will also attract love into your life. I’m sure this must work in all areas of life; jobs, relationships, finances, etc., etc.
We are all searching for balance, it’s what keeps up stable and secure.
I’m still no expert at this vulnerability thing, I’m a baby learning to crawl, but I’m conscious of it. I’ve become aware that when I want to hide from the world, it is generally when I need the comfort and support the most and deep down, I’m craving for it.
Now when I feel insecure or frightened, before I turn my phone off, shut the world out and reach for the wine, I’ll grow some balls and call my love instead.